Be That Garden

  This morning my devotion came out of Isaiah 35:1 "Thirsty deserts will be glad; barren lands will celebrate and blossom with flowers."  Isaiah said that where God withdrew, everything turned to a wasteland and chaos reigned.  Where God took control, the desert became a garden.

  God was completely speaking to me through this.  This was His personal message to me today.  I tell you what, I struggled all day long.  Had the biggest panic attack I have had in years and it was just ridiculous.  Just goes to show that we still have to deal with things on a daily basis.  Life is not a one and done type of deal.  I'm on the verge of a huge change and have started making steps, and somebody (I won't mention any names: SATAN) is throwing a tantrum because he knows he can't keep his hold on me.  I wish that I had dealt with it better.  I know what to do when that happens but I kind of let some negative thoughts slip through and make things worse.

  For years I have felt so lost in the desert.  I didn't know where to go or what to do.  Trying to survive on anything I could find.  Crying all the time, being depressed and feeling hopeless.  Literally for years it felt like this.  Being so thirsty and just needing that drop of water to replenish and inspire me.  The thing is, I wasn't giving up.  I kept searching and searching for that water, that living water.  I finally found it which is actually God.  He breathed life into me.  Since then I've been on this journey of finding my worth and loving myself.  Learning who He is and what it means to follow Him.  Now we're at a crossroads.  I feel like I'm about to make the biggest decision of my life.

  I'm tired of the desert, I want to be that beautiful garden.  I want to grow beautiful flowers and trees.  The thing is, God already planted the seeds.  Over the past year, He has watered, pulled some weeds, put in some great fertilizer and has waited patiently for things to start blooming.  As I'm writing this, I'm realizing these words and what they mean.  The trees have grown strong roots deep into the ground, the flowers are on the verge of blooming.  I just have to let go.  There's still that little piece of me hanging onto control of what I have left.

  God takes care of us like He does the flowers and trees.  He is so patient with us.  Everything takes time with Him.  He's not a genie, He doesn't make things happen right away.  Actually He does in some instances, but most things take time.  He puts so much love and care into us along with direction and waits patiently to see us grow.  This is of course if you let Him.  He won't force Himself into your life.  He's a gentleman.  You have to invite Him in.

  Tonight at church as I sat between two amazing ladies I have the pleasure of calling friends, I cried my eyes out.  One held my hand and the other hugged me.  After today, it was so healing for me.  In that moment I surrendered it all.  I don't want what I want anymore, I want what God wants.  He is stirring something inside of me that I just can't shake.  He is pursuing my heart and wanting to use me in ways I cannot imagine.  He already sees the garden I will be, He sees the beauty and accomplishment of all of His work that He put into it.  That to me is so humbling.  It's my time to grow into His vision of the beautiful garden He created me to be. 

Kari Jobe "The Garden"

"I had hope
But given up
Desperate for a sign from God
Something good
Something kind
Bringing peace to every corner of my mind

Then I saw the garden
Hope had come to me
To sweep away the ashes
Wake me from my sleep

I realized
You never left
Before this moment
You planned ahead
That I would see
Your faithfulness in all of the green

I can see the ivy
Reaching through the wall
'Cause you will stop at nothing
To heal my broken soul..."