Fear or Faith?

  Today I have not been feeling well at all.  I've been queasy all day and stomach aches, headaches, sinus pressure, it's been fun.  Of course my imagination gets the best of me today.  I fought fear for a good portion of the day.  I don't think my biggest fear could be any more obvious.  I don't want to die.  Funny that a Christian should say that considering where I'm going after I'm gone.  I don't want to leave my husband and boys, I love them too much.  So anything and everything crossed my mind today of what could be wrong.  Oh the possibilities.  I cooked and laid out a complete buffet for fear to feed on.  Why, why, why???

  As I finished my chapter in my Power Thought book, this week was "I will not live in fear", how fitting to end the chapter today.  I think I'm going to redo this chapter this coming week as well, I really need it to sink in.  I did have a pretty big breakthrough about it though.  I really do understand why I turn to games.  Yes I still struggle with it.  It's my coping mechanism.  God commands us to confront fear.  We confront it with faith which we gain by reading the Bible.  We are not supposed to run away.  That's where my games come in, I run away from my fears hoping that it takes my mind off of it and it'll just go away.  After that clicked today, everything fell into place. 

  Did you know that faith and fear CANNOT coexist?  It's either one or the other.  Fear is the enemy's brand of faith.  Fear can't be conquered unless we recognize it and confront it by not letting it control us.  Fear is a part of life, it's not going to go away.  That's why God tells us to confront it.  I'm not a confrontational person.  I've had to do it a few times in my life and it's so hard for me.  It's easier to run.  You know what though?  I'm tired of running.  I'm tired of feeling afraid of the unknown.  I'm tired of being anxious when I'm not feeling well.  God is taking me to a whole other ballgame with this.

  Peace is absent in fear.  Joyce was saying that God would never make us feel fearful or be afraid, but if we're doing something we shouldn't be, He can withdraw our peace.  God designed us to hunger peace.  I don't know about you, but I want peace all the time.  So if you aren't feeling at peace doing something, should you drop it and follow peace?  That is the question God gave me today.  I pray for peace in times I'm feeling anxious, but am I doing what I should be?  If my peace left, did I follow it?  You either follow peace or you follow fear.

  I know why God wanted mind renewal as the next step in my journey.  God has good plans for us, but in order for them to become a reality in our lives we must have our minds completely renewed.  Romans 12:2 "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--His good, pleasing and perfect will."  I searched and prayed for a good couple years to get to this point in my life.  I want to know God's will for my life more than anything, but that won't happen until my mind is renewed.

  Why me?  After everything I've done and been through, why me?  Why is God wanting to work with me?  In my mind I've done some pretty horrible things, I would never pick me to do something important.  That's my perspective, not God's.  He knows my truest and purest depths of my heart that even I can't see.  He placed desires in me that I don't even know yet.  It's all buried under rubble and ash.  Slowly He's helping me clean myself up.

  Today God brought to my attention just how loved I am.  The people He has placed in my life to help me get to this point.  People that love me unconditionally and through my faults.  One being my husband.  I'll never understand why he loves me so much, but I'm so thankful that he does.  I couldn't do life without him.  Another influence in my life is my big brother Dave.  He has seen me at my worst and he has supported me through everything.  I'm so glad that God reunited us after so many years.  Also my church family.  They have played a huge role in helping me grow spiritually.  So amidst all the war going on today, I chose peace.  I chose to place my faith and trust in a God that has my life already planned out.  How could I not after all He's done for me.  He goes out of His way everyday to tell me and show me how much He loves me.  If anyone struggles like me with fear, I encourage you to choose faith instead.