Not Fully Prepared

  So I have not written in a very long time.  I've missed it so much and it has been much needed in my life lately.  Just a recap, we bought our very first house in September!!  Very very exciting and we absolutely love it here.  We're never moving again unless God calls us elsewhere lol.  We are also expecting our 3rd child.  I will be 3 months along in 2 days.  Lots of craziness happening, mostly in my mind lol.

  I've been struggling a lot lately, it seems like so many things honestly.  Am I ready for another baby?!  I'm not sure anyone is really ready for babies, it's just something that happens and you adapt.  I'm on medication right now that ensure I don't miscarry, man this stuff makes me so tired to the point that I could pass out.  I hate it.  I don't have time to sleep, mostly because I don't trust my crazy 3 year old if that were to happen lol.  Thankfully they will start weaning me off of it when I go to my 12 week appointment tomorrow.  Thank you Jesus!

  Today a friend posted a video on ADHD, which I am diagnosed with, and it kind of reminded me that I have NOT been doing what I'm supposed to with that and that is why my brain is a pile of spaghetti at the moment.  Controlling ADHD takes self-discipline, a lot of it.  Most people just don't want to put the effort into it and instead would prefer meds to control it.  Honestly I'm just too tired to help it right now.  It's not a life sentence either.  You can listen to Dr. Amen and Dr. Caroline Leaf on the subject matter.  Your brain in 21 days can actually completely heal itself and renew itself completely.  If I stuck to what I am supposed to, it would be gone already.

  I'm trying to stay positive but this pregnancy has me depressed.  I hate hormones.  They are of the devil in my book.  When I get to heaven I'm going to be happy that I don't have to deal with any of this anymore lol.  This pregnancy has been incredibly different.  We would love a girl and I'm believing and claiming God is giving me my princess this time.  I feel like right after I found out, that God had promised me our girl.  So I am excited about that.  I did have morning sickness but thankfully it's gone now.  I'm awaiting my second trimester energy to kick in lol.

  God has been revealing so much to me lately.  I think part of all this is satan's attacks on me.  Through my dreams and depression, my wacky hormones.  I know I'm on the brink of a breakthrough.  My biggest obstacle has been food.  Everytime something happens, I turn to food.  Food has become my god.  I have been noticing as well how much and often I eat and what I eat.  Pregnancy is no excuse.  Society puts such an emphasis on food, but we honestly don't need as much food as we think we do.  Back in Bible days they didn't eat 3 meals a day or 4 snacks throughout the day and they lived to be hundreds and hundreds of years old!  That should tell you something.  God should be sustaining us before food.  I believe that's why the Bible says fasting is so incredibly important.

  I met a dear dear friend through facebook in the last few months.  She is amazing.  She is so encouraging, bold, honest, and open about the trials she faces and her love for God.  I am so happy that God lead her across my path.  I wouldn't be where I am without her right now.  She has opened my eyes in new ways that I've never seen before.  She has made me realize what is so important about God.  I think everyone should have a friend like that.  Actually if you don't have friends like that, then they shouldn't be friends.  That is something else God brought to my attention.  A real friend will lift you up, encourage you, and bring you closer to God.  We are to be kind and love everyone yes, but not everyone should have a chair at your table.

  So today I will refuse to let food take over my life, instead I will pray continually.  My heart is seeking God at full force and something is about to happen.  I can't wait to see what it is!  I hope you have a wonderful day, God bless!