Perfect Me, Perfect You

         I've been thinking a lot lately about where I was a year ago.  It was one of the darkest times in my life, especially my marriage.  That's a different story for a different day though.  I cannot believe how far I have come in one year.         In this past year, I truly accepted Christ in all His glory, I renewed my marriage, I was healed of mental illnesses by God's grace and mercy, I helped my sister through some really tough stuff, I learned that I don't have to walk this road alone.  I overcame things from my past that was holding me back.  There's just so many things, I'm a brand new person!         I remember when I was going to my counselor and at the end of 2 months she told me that I didn't need her anymore lol.  She had given me all the tools I needed to change my life and I was on my way.  I'm a quick learner and I just ...

      I have to say that I'm a Star Wars fan.  My husband introduced me to it when we first got married.  The recent movie, The Force Awakens, wasn't what I expected, but the more I watch it the more I enjoy it.  I just watched it the other day and at the end where Rey is dueling Kylo Ren, it totally reminded me of our daily battle with satan.  Rey is new at this and she's not quite sure of what's even going on except that he's bad and trying to kill her.  The moment that they're standing still for that moment, he opens his mouth and lies just pour out.  He says that he can teach her the force and that word triggers something in her mind.  She takes a deep breath and lets the force overcome her.  After that, she's supercharged and ready to go.  She doesn't kill him but she sure kicked his butt.       We all try fighting life on our own.  Most of the time we fail or make things worse....

     Sorry I was MIA for a couple days, I was dealing with bad anxiety.  I just got into a rut and felt like I couldn't stop it.  Pretty sure I thought I had every disease in existence lol.  Ahhhhhhhhhhh.  I'm so tired of it, but I know that in due time, God will deliver me.  I believe it and claim it.  Usually every time I have a bad anxiety episode, I have a breakthrough.  I did of course which is awesome.      I hate feeling that heaviness in your chest or that your heart is going a million miles an hour.  My body added a new one, I started feeling shaky.  It's honestly crazy what our bodies can do or make up when we're feeling stressed or anxious.  It's quite ridiculous.  So because I was feeling this new symptom, my mind was going every which way trying to figure out what was wrong.  That's just it, I was trying to figure out what was wrong.  I'm not even qualified to do that ...

      Oh man, what a day.  This is not one of my best days.  I woke up in a bad mood, haven't been sleeping well lately.  It just escalated from there.  Ethan was throwing tantrums a good part of the day, along with not wanting to nap.  When he did nap and woke up, holy cow, he could've used another one.  When your day starts out bad, it just doesn't go well.  I tried connecting with God today but there was too much negativity in my brain to even go there, so that made everything worse.        I'm a gamer, Mike actually got me into playing games when we first met.  I started out pc, then we moved to Xbox.  Playing games definitely relieves stress and I forget about everything.  It gets bad sometimes though, I get addicted because I get stressed so bad and I just don't want to deal with anything.  Lately I've been feeling like I really should give up gaming to follow God....

    Today is so incredibly quiet!  Tyler went back to school today and Ethan fell asleep on our walk.  The quiet is something I've missed the past couple of weeks.  Anyway, I know I mentioned before that I'm a hypochondriac.  I'm starting to think that it may not be hypochondria at all.  I am being run by a spirit of fear.  In the last month I've lost 16lbs, I needed to, I also feel great.  At the same time, I have become afraid to eat anything.  I really am not sure of the reason behind that one.  I think satan is just running with this and having a ball.      Yesterday my pastor started a sermon called Plan B.  It was exactly what I needed to hear.  He gave an example about going to bed and feeling a pain somewhere and your mind automatically thinks the worst, you have cancer and are going to die.  That's exactly how I think at times.  God always talks to me when I take walks in the m...

      My oldest son Tyler, who is five, has always had big tonsils.  I always told my husband that I know he would need them out one day.  He would always snore really loud and wake himself up throughout the night.  You could tell that he struggled to breathe at times.  He would take a deep breath and then just stop.  A good 10-15 seconds later and he'd gasp then breathe again.  As a parent, that is pretty scary.  The older he got, he started choking on food and had trouble getting some things down.  Finally they agreed that they needed to come out, adenoids and all.  So he was scheduled for August 30th to get them out.        I know I mentioned that I'm a hypochondriac.  I'm pretty bad with myself but when it comes to my kids, I'm really bad.  Although with this it didn't hit me until the day of.  The week before his surgery, he was diagnosed with strep.  The first ...

      Well, today has been an eh kind of day.  Nothing super exciting happened, but not overly boring.  Today was day 10 since Tyler got his tonsils out so I made him waffles to try and see if he could eat them ok, and he did.  I'll be happy when he can go back to school on Monday.  I'm pretty sure they miss him and need him back lol.  I shouldn't think like that that about him, but he's starting to act like me and it's aggravating.          He has my attitude and he mirrors me so stinking well, I hate it.  I hate seeing what I look like at times.  It's hard to see the truth, but kids will speak and show the truth constantly.  Most of his life, I have been selfish and just did whatever I wanted to.  He picked that up from me, but I keep telling myself that he's only 5 and he can change.  On June 12, God gave me a heart transplant and I'm forever changed.  My hab...

     So I thought I'd start out today explaining why I chose to name my blog Perfect Me, Perfect You.  I think so many people go through life trying to attain perfection.  It's everywhere you look, the perfect body, perfect house, perfect marriage, perfect kids, etc.  Then comparison rears its ugly head.  For years and years I had punished myself for not being perfect.  I would make myself literally sick over it.  You go through high school trying to fit in and be cool then you hit adulthood and sometimes it's even more awkward.  You do what you need to do to survive basically.      When we moved to our apartment complex a few years ago, it might actually be 4 this year, I think.  Anyway, I became friends with a group of moms that the core of the "friendship" was gossip.  A lot of it was about each other behind their backs.  I most definitely participated in it.  I was a mom of one at the ti...

     So, I decided to start a blog!  Fun right?  My passion is writing, that I know without a doubt.  Everything else seems to be floating in another dimension.  I'm a stay at home mom to two boys, Tyler who is 5 and Ethan who will be 2 in October.  I'm also married to a man I don't deserve.  I believe God created me first then realized that my soul mate would need an abundance of patience, so here is Mike lol.        I can honestly say I'm content with my life.  I love being a mom and wife.  As a mom I used to be so hard on myself concerning everything!  The worst is when you compare yourself and kids to other moms and kids.  It's a relief when you finally realize that nobody is perfect and everyone has their own problems behind closed doors.       Being a mom and wife is hard work.  A lot of self-sacrifice on things you would love to do.  I used to be a...