Perfect Me, Perfect You...
So I thought I'd start out today explaining why I chose to name my blog Perfect Me, Perfect You. I think so many people go through life trying to attain perfection. It's everywhere you look, the perfect body, perfect house, perfect marriage, perfect kids, etc. Then comparison rears its ugly head. For years and years I had punished myself for not being perfect. I would make myself literally sick over it. You go through high school trying to fit in and be cool then you hit adulthood and sometimes it's even more awkward. You do what you need to do to survive basically.
When we moved to our apartment complex a few years ago, it might actually be 4 this year, I think. Anyway, I became friends with a group of moms that the core of the "friendship" was gossip. A lot of it was about each other behind their backs. I most definitely participated in it. I was a mom of one at the time and didn't really have any friends. I wanted to belong. Most of the time it was complaints about body weight, none of these mothers needed to lose weight by the way, but if it wasn't that, then it was "what is so and so up to." The best one is "did you hear?" I lost myself in this group. I felt terrible about myself, all the negativity just weighed on me. Not only that but I hurt people I proclaimed to love as family.
I have found that when people are mean to you, it's because they hate themselves. I hated myself with a passion, so much so that I couldn't stand being alone, because then I was forced to be with myself. I have done so many things in my life that just shattered my soul into millions of pieces, there was no way for me to put it back together. I was disappointed and ashamed of myself. It came down to how could anyone love me for the things I had done?
I was desperate for hope, for joy, for peace. I went to a counselor this past year for help. I was diagnosed with 7 different types of disorders including: anxiety, OCD, ADD/ADHD, depression, PTSD, and possibly bipolar. When she read my diagnosis I just couldn't believe how messed up I was. I got in the car and just cried, I pleaded to God for help because I couldn't help myself anymore. I was making things 100x worse for myself. I heard Him say, "See this mess? Everything that is wrong with you? I can fix it if you let me." I will never forget that day because that's the day my journey began.
I am an eager beaver when it comes to learning. I have an open heart and willingness to try new things and just soak up any advice I can get. Within 2 months, I had all the tools I needed to change. All 7 of my diagnoses could be fixed without medication. I am a hypochondriac and after having Tyler medicine is my enemy. I have a fear of dying from side effects, it's ridiculous I know lol. Anyway, I kept praying to God that I wouldn't have to take meds for this. He gave me a way to get through it, but I had to rely on Him and His strength to get me through. I can honestly say that I've been healed of most of those. I still struggle with anxiety and hypochondria here and there but that's only because I take my eyes off God.
Through this past year, I have come to learn what God thinks of me and my worth in Him. His love being the biggest lesson I've been blessed with. Once you realize how much God loves you, there's no going back. You can't go back to how you were. I was just telling a friend this morning, do you really think God is sitting in Heaven writing down all your wrongs or is He reaching His hand down calling out your name to come to Him so He can love you and comfort you? Our God is a God of love. He knew us before He created the world. He made every part of our bodies, minds, and souls. He knows us better than anyone, and He says we are perfect. Say that out loud, "I'm perfect." In God's eyes I'm perfect, and you're perfect.
If there is anything that anyone takes away from my blog, I hope that you realize how much you are loved and needed. Yes we have flaws, but God sees His beautiful creation and perfected work. I hope that you all have a blessed day!
When we moved to our apartment complex a few years ago, it might actually be 4 this year, I think. Anyway, I became friends with a group of moms that the core of the "friendship" was gossip. A lot of it was about each other behind their backs. I most definitely participated in it. I was a mom of one at the time and didn't really have any friends. I wanted to belong. Most of the time it was complaints about body weight, none of these mothers needed to lose weight by the way, but if it wasn't that, then it was "what is so and so up to." The best one is "did you hear?" I lost myself in this group. I felt terrible about myself, all the negativity just weighed on me. Not only that but I hurt people I proclaimed to love as family.
I have found that when people are mean to you, it's because they hate themselves. I hated myself with a passion, so much so that I couldn't stand being alone, because then I was forced to be with myself. I have done so many things in my life that just shattered my soul into millions of pieces, there was no way for me to put it back together. I was disappointed and ashamed of myself. It came down to how could anyone love me for the things I had done?
I was desperate for hope, for joy, for peace. I went to a counselor this past year for help. I was diagnosed with 7 different types of disorders including: anxiety, OCD, ADD/ADHD, depression, PTSD, and possibly bipolar. When she read my diagnosis I just couldn't believe how messed up I was. I got in the car and just cried, I pleaded to God for help because I couldn't help myself anymore. I was making things 100x worse for myself. I heard Him say, "See this mess? Everything that is wrong with you? I can fix it if you let me." I will never forget that day because that's the day my journey began.
I am an eager beaver when it comes to learning. I have an open heart and willingness to try new things and just soak up any advice I can get. Within 2 months, I had all the tools I needed to change. All 7 of my diagnoses could be fixed without medication. I am a hypochondriac and after having Tyler medicine is my enemy. I have a fear of dying from side effects, it's ridiculous I know lol. Anyway, I kept praying to God that I wouldn't have to take meds for this. He gave me a way to get through it, but I had to rely on Him and His strength to get me through. I can honestly say that I've been healed of most of those. I still struggle with anxiety and hypochondria here and there but that's only because I take my eyes off God.
Through this past year, I have come to learn what God thinks of me and my worth in Him. His love being the biggest lesson I've been blessed with. Once you realize how much God loves you, there's no going back. You can't go back to how you were. I was just telling a friend this morning, do you really think God is sitting in Heaven writing down all your wrongs or is He reaching His hand down calling out your name to come to Him so He can love you and comfort you? Our God is a God of love. He knew us before He created the world. He made every part of our bodies, minds, and souls. He knows us better than anyone, and He says we are perfect. Say that out loud, "I'm perfect." In God's eyes I'm perfect, and you're perfect.
If there is anything that anyone takes away from my blog, I hope that you realize how much you are loved and needed. Yes we have flaws, but God sees His beautiful creation and perfected work. I hope that you all have a blessed day!
Thanks for sharing your heart, which is a beautiful reflection of your soul!
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