Broken Road

  Today I was talking to a good friend and I told him that I feel like I had been traveling on my own road and asking God to intervene when times got tough.  I wanted to do things my way, but I believed in God enough to be a Christian. I didn't always live like it though.  I was honestly so stuck.  I was stuck in my laziness, I was stuck in bad habits, I was stuck in doing just enough to say that I was a good person.  I hated it.  I hated who I was.  I hated that I knew without a doubt that I was going nowhere.  In that place I was at, I couldn't do what God wanted me to do and couldn't be what He wanted me to be.

  Then Avery happened, and Avery was taken away.  It was like I was walking down my road as usual and suddenly a bomb dropped right in front of me.  Throwing me back with the impact of the explosion.  For awhile I was scared and didn't know what was happening or where I was going.  Scared isn't even the word for it, I was terrified.  Not only was my baby taken away, but I was traveling down a road I didn't even recognize.  The smoke was so hazy and I couldn't see where I was going, but somebody had my hand leading and guiding me.  Stumbling over the pieces of broken road, stepping onto unfamiliar pavement.  It felt so smooth but strange.

  The smoke cleared and there He was in all His glory.  God had taken me to a safer road, away from the chaos and danger.  I looked back and could see the fire and smoke and pain.  He squeezed my hand and said, "don't look back, you have to go forward.  Keep moving."  I couldn't go back, if I'm honest, I didn't want to go back.  All I felt was fear creeping at my back until I took one step, then another, and another.  

  I didn't see it until now, but I needed that explosion in my life.  I had hit a dead end because I was on a road God did not intend for me.  I was leading myself and only asking for His help when I felt stuck.  I needed this life changing impact so God could direct me to a safer road.  A road that leads to my destiny.  A road that is so unfamiliar but exciting all at once.  God led me here and there's no way I'm going ahead or alone.  My faith was so small and my trust in Him was almost non-existent.  I needed the explosion because He needed me to blindly grab His hand and just go.  When you're in a dangerous situation, if someone reached out to you, wouldn't you go to escape the danger?

  The enemy attacked and God saved me.  He brought me to a safer place.  This event has awakened my soul.  I wake up thinking about God, I am changing habits that used to be so hard to break.  I am praising God more than I ever have.  I am trusting Him more because He saved me from self-destructing.  I am so ready for this path He put me on.  I'm surrendering my entire life, because even for a moment when my mind isn't on Christ, I feel empty and purposeless.  I am so much more aware of the Holy Spirit and His signals to me.  I feel like God breathed new life into me, the purpose that He created me for is now.  So, I look down this unfamiliar road and I take a step knowing that God is holding my hand and guiding me.