Life Goes On

  Woke up to another day filled with things to do.  Honestly I'm so thankful for my two boys, they keep my mind preoccupied.  I said it before, but it's funny how death changes people.  I've woken up the last 7 days and the world is so different now.  The first few days everything seemed darker and quiet, but now everything seems more vibrant and full of life.  When you give everything to God, He has ways of making beauty from the ashes.

  After losing Avery I feel like I cherish the boys so much more.  I want to do everything with them and love on them all the time.  Things that used to be important in my mind, aren't so important anymore.  Spending time with my family is most important.  Life doesn't stop in the wake of tragedies, I still have to get up everyday and prepare Tyler for school and get my day going with Ethan.  I'm so thankful for that because it doesn't leave any room for depression to creep in for me.  I have my moments that I think about Avery and I'll either sob or smile with eyes full of tears.  I just tell myself, someday I will hold you and cover you in kisses.

  Today the school called and told me that Tyler was complaining about being cold so they took his temperature and he's got a low fever.  Thank you Lord for Nancy, she came over to watch Ethan so I could go pick Tyler up.  He's sleeping on the couch right now.  I had to put Ethan in his room for quiet time because he was bugging big brother.  I hate when my kiddos are sick, so hopefully he'll sweat it out and that will be that.

  Later today I have my post op appointment.  I don't really want to go back, honestly, I'll probably cry.  They are such angels and I love my doctor so much.  It was a divine appointment that he's my doctor that's for sure.  He is a great christian man and I'm blessed to have him.  I'm sure we'll talk about our future and if we want to have more children.  I really do want another baby more than anything, but I'm scared to go through this again.  This is where trusting God comes in and His wonderful plans for us.

  I don't know what our future holds but I do know that there's a purpose for everything.  I would love to be a voice for women, be the hope for those hurting, be the light for God that this dark world deeply desires.  I'm ready and waiting for my next step, I'm ready to go where God wants me to go and do what He wants me to do.  I want His desires to be my desires.  I want people to know that even though bad things happen, God can do amazing and wonderful things through tragedy.  There is hope, there is peace, there is comfort that can heal your heart.  Only through God, does life truly go on.