Waves

  Well, I had a great week!  Honestly the prayers and encouragement from others have been extremely effective.  Today, well today, here comes the waves.

  A dear friend from church lost family and when I saw him, my heart started aching all over again.  I can't say I know how he feels through his circumstances of loss, but I do know the hurt and pain of loss.  He used a good word, numb.  Some days that's exactly what it feels like.  I think that numbness comes from the deepest level of pain.  It's pain that your body and mind can't comprehend so you just go numb.

  I wish we didn't have to deal with loss at all, but that's a part of living in a sinful perishable world.  And what can you say to people who have just lost someone, honestly, not much.  Hugs work the best.  I love this picture of a crashing wave.  That's exactly what it feels like.  Life is just moving along then you look up and see this monstrous wave that you didn't see coming.  It hits you and drags you under.  Sometimes while you're under, more waves keep crashing and keeping you down.  You struggle and try to swim to the surface, all the while fear rampaging through your mind.  Panicking and all you can do is try to reach the surface, you struggle to find a way to the peaceful water.

  I am thankful for God.  At the perfect time, He comes and rescues you from the waves swallowing you up.  Even when He rescues you, you are still left to deal with the aftermath.  You're cold and soaked and shaking from what you just experienced.  Even so, God is there lighting a fire and bringing you dry clothes.  He doesn't say a word because He knows you need the silence.  He can hear your heart oozing pain with each beat.  So He wraps His arms around you to keep you warm.  You stare into the fire He built and you see a flicker of hope.  Your body stops shaking and you even feel sleepy.  You start feeling the warmth through your entire body, that's His hope and love running though you.

  We have hope through loss.  It's up to you whether healing can begin or not though.  Some people bury it so deep and they go through life being numb because they didn't deal with it.  I chose to face it head on.  When something happens that is completely out of your control, there's nothing you can do but crawl into God's lap and give control over to Him and watch Him work.  It times of loss, you really don't have much of a choice.  You either let God create something from the ashes, or you die slowly each day.  You think that you buried the pain and circumstances, but anything can trigger it to erupt through the dirt.  The pain comes out in your words, actions, even the way you carry yourself.

  I decided to give it to God and I let Him work.  He has shown me the brighter side of life, but it was a choice I had to make.  Honestly it was a hard choice for me to make.  I've dealt with depression all my life.  It is much easier and comfortable for me to give myself over to that, than to be happy.  Depression envelopes you in what you believe to be comfort.  Depression makes you believe that life is easier to deal with through the darkness that has taken over your whole being.  Looking back, I can't believe the years that depression had stolen from me.  Satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy.  He loves using depression against people.  I think it's one of his greatest tools.  Believe this, depression is not from, or of God.

  So if you're dealing with loss right now, I love you and I understand.  My heart aches with you.  Even though you can't see it right now, the light will shine again.  The sun will rise again and kiss your face.  Even in the dark right now, don't let go of God's hand.  He will guide you step by step through this.  Trust Him, He knows what He's doing.  He has good plans for you.  He will make good come from this.  He will show you more than you've ever seen.  He will take you to places you've never been.  He will show His glory to the world through you, but don't let Him go.  You hang onto Him until your last breath.  He WILL pull you through.  Rest in His arms and let Him carry you.  He loves you so much.  He knows your pain.  Don't lose hope.  Keep looking up...