Our Purest Form

  For awhile now I didn't realize it, but God has been tugging at my heart about my appearance.  You go on facebook and you see all these makeup tutorials.  The girl at the beginning doesn't look like the girl at the end.  Why are we so adamant about looking like someone else?  I've said this before that convictions are different for everyone and this is just one that God is putting before me.

  I have become so dependent on makeup.  I need makeup to be beautiful.  Without it I'm absolutely hideous.  Like the hunchback of notre dame, I get you buddy!  I feel like God is peeling layers away with me.  He has done so much work on the inside and He continues to, but He's beginning on the outside.  What came to my mind was that my New Year's resolution is going to be no makeup next year at all.  I don't want to be a girl that when you remove the makeup that I don't look anything like I do with it.  I don't want to fool anyone.  I want to be my truest form that God created me to be.  The beauty that people see, I want it to be God's light shining through.  I don't want to steal His spotlight.

  My husband over the years has told me over and over that he prefers me without makeup.  I never believed him because that's just weird in society today, it's not the norm.  He isn't your typical guy at all.  He is absolutely perfect for me.  Whether he knows this or not, He reflects God on so many levels.  The other day he said something and my response was, "wow that's something God would say!"  I'm very blessed to have a man that has godly standards considering women and their appearance.  I was all for letting it all hang out before I met him.  I did anything for attention with men.  That's how much I loved myself.  Now God is changing my perspective on modesty.  I'm a married woman now, I shouldn't be dressing in any way that would turn heads except my husbands.  I've come a really long way.  Many people will disagree with me, and that's perfectly fine.  Like I said, we all have different convictions and I'm just sharing mine with all of you.

  I have had a hard time loving myself ever since I was younger.  I had twin sisters that were absolutely gorgeous!  They still are!  Whenever we'd go shopping people would stop us and ask if they were models.  I was hidden in the shadows.  I could never measure up to their beauty.  It takes a toll on you after awhile.  You start believing that you are so ugly and no one would ever want you.  In highschool I started trying to fulfill myself with attention from others.  I would go without lunch most days.  I would try making myself throw up but it was never successful.  Looking back I can't believe I ever thought I was fat.  I was beautiful but I believed satan's lies instead.  I've hated myself for years and after losing Avery it brought back all the worst feelings.  I hated my body for failing me.  I couldn't look myself in the mirror because I hated myself so much.  I blamed myself for Avery dying.  I hit bottom when I lost Avery.  I covered everything up so I didn't have to see myself.  

  I love how gentle God is.  Change needs to happen and it hurts so much at times, but God is so gentle about it.  As He's peeling my layers away, He keeps telling me, "I don't care what you see, you are so beautiful to Me."  It's scary not having a façade to hide behind.  When you're completely exposed.  How else are you supposed to heal though?  Band aids are good for a time, but eventually they need to come off so you can start to heal.  Oxygen brings life to your body and restores it over time.  God is the air in our lungs, He's our oxygen.  To be completely honest, the more He's peeling away the better I feel.  He's peeling away the addictions, the lies, the high standards, the expectations, the hate and bitterness, He's taking it all away.  I'm honestly realizing this the more I write it right now.  

  Everything we thought we should be is different than what God had in mind.  Like me, sometimes this renewal process needs to happen.  This could branch out as far as removing people that aren't good for you anymore.  I do realize that God has set me on a path that I don't recognize.  I'm starting a new chapter in my life.  Sometimes people we used to hang with can't follow us down our new paths.  God has something different for them and that's okay too.  You need to follow God no matter what.  He has our lives laid out already, He knows what we need and what we don't.  Sometimes it hurts really bad, but you have to trust Him.

  How much do you think the world would change if we accepted ourselves in our purest forms?  Honestly for myself, I'm going to find out.  God is leading me to self-love and self-acceptance.  I'm excited about this.  I want to see myself as He does.  I want to be happy with the beauty that He created.  I want Him to look at me and say, "I recognize you and you're the beautiful creature that I created!"  I can't wait to see myself as He does.  I encourage you today that if you have trouble accepting yourself as the beautiful being that God created, take it to Him.  Ask Him to reveal to you the reasons why you don't accept yourself.  God's opinion of you is the only one that matters, believe that and tuck it away in your heart.  You're beautiful no matter what the world tells you.