Am I Good Enough?
So far today has been pretty good. Took Ethan to his playgroup with Jumpstart at a tumbling/gymnastics place. It was really cool and he really enjoyed it. He's my independent one, he'll look for me to make sure I'm around but he has no problem just going anywhere. My 5 year old is a different story. I went to get the mail this morning and he cried from when I left until about 15 minutes after I was home already. Some days I wonder what I'm doing so wrong. Mike asked him on the way to school this morning, "everything okay bud?" "Yeah I just miss mommy..."
I think a lot of times with Moms that satan uses anything he can to make us feel bad or that we're wrong. You know why? Well because we have the single most important job in the world. These kids will some day be the faces of our country. This calling is super important. Satan tells me that I must be doing something wrong, if he's that clingy then something is definitely wrong. A lot of people will say it's a phase, but in a mother's mind, it goes to immediate guilt. You're scrambling in your mind, "did I say something? Am I not spending enough one on one time with him? Is he being bullied at school? Is it because I didn't breastfeed him? Maybe it was that time he fell down the stairs at 15 months..." You know what I'm talking about momma's. I'm starting to see through the lies though.
So back to what is going on with Tyler, I really don't know. I know that I can pray about it and ask God to reveal something to me. I can pray over him as he sleeps, or maybe it really is just a phase. On the other end of the spectrum, those lies you believe about being wanted and needed...we all have them as women. God showed me after Tyler went to school, "see, you are needed and loved more than you know and not just by Me." My husband needs me, he might not ever admit it, but he does lol. My boys need me more than I realize.
God created these 2 amazing boys just for me. He knew that I'm the only woman that can teach them and show them what He wants them to know. How cool is that? I'm the only woman that can take care of these boys the way God intended. I have something they need that no other woman has. When God brought that to my attention, it brought me to tears. How gracious You are to me Lord.
Wednesday night we were talking about how Jesus chose the nails. When they put Him on the cross and spread His arms out to hammer the nails in, He could've stopped them. He could've said that's enough, I'm going home. This is not worth it. He didn't. He unclenched his hands and let them hammer the nails in. He might as well have taken the hammer Himself and hammered the nails in. You know why? Because we are worth it to Him. I don't think a lot of people truly realize what He went through for us. All of this going on and His mother Mary, I couldn't even imagine what was going on in her mind. I would have a really hard time letting my son do that. She had to watch her son being crucified for everyone's sins around her and including hers. I think that would make me a little angry. My son has to die because you decided to kill somebody? I would love to learn more about Mary. She was the blessed and chosen one to carry Jesus. So beautiful.
Jesus gave up His seat at the right hand of God to come down in human form and be one of us. If you have a hard time and struggle with thinking, "am I worth it?" You need to put your focus back on God because you obviously looked away. I'm speaking to myself as well. All of this we're going through and He went through so that one day we will be completely restored and by His side for eternity.
"You're a good good father
It's who you are, it's who you are, it's who you are
And I'm loved by you
It's who I am, it's who I am, it's who I am." -Christ Tomlin "Good Good Father"
I think a lot of times with Moms that satan uses anything he can to make us feel bad or that we're wrong. You know why? Well because we have the single most important job in the world. These kids will some day be the faces of our country. This calling is super important. Satan tells me that I must be doing something wrong, if he's that clingy then something is definitely wrong. A lot of people will say it's a phase, but in a mother's mind, it goes to immediate guilt. You're scrambling in your mind, "did I say something? Am I not spending enough one on one time with him? Is he being bullied at school? Is it because I didn't breastfeed him? Maybe it was that time he fell down the stairs at 15 months..." You know what I'm talking about momma's. I'm starting to see through the lies though.
So back to what is going on with Tyler, I really don't know. I know that I can pray about it and ask God to reveal something to me. I can pray over him as he sleeps, or maybe it really is just a phase. On the other end of the spectrum, those lies you believe about being wanted and needed...we all have them as women. God showed me after Tyler went to school, "see, you are needed and loved more than you know and not just by Me." My husband needs me, he might not ever admit it, but he does lol. My boys need me more than I realize.
God created these 2 amazing boys just for me. He knew that I'm the only woman that can teach them and show them what He wants them to know. How cool is that? I'm the only woman that can take care of these boys the way God intended. I have something they need that no other woman has. When God brought that to my attention, it brought me to tears. How gracious You are to me Lord.
Wednesday night we were talking about how Jesus chose the nails. When they put Him on the cross and spread His arms out to hammer the nails in, He could've stopped them. He could've said that's enough, I'm going home. This is not worth it. He didn't. He unclenched his hands and let them hammer the nails in. He might as well have taken the hammer Himself and hammered the nails in. You know why? Because we are worth it to Him. I don't think a lot of people truly realize what He went through for us. All of this going on and His mother Mary, I couldn't even imagine what was going on in her mind. I would have a really hard time letting my son do that. She had to watch her son being crucified for everyone's sins around her and including hers. I think that would make me a little angry. My son has to die because you decided to kill somebody? I would love to learn more about Mary. She was the blessed and chosen one to carry Jesus. So beautiful.
Jesus gave up His seat at the right hand of God to come down in human form and be one of us. If you have a hard time and struggle with thinking, "am I worth it?" You need to put your focus back on God because you obviously looked away. I'm speaking to myself as well. All of this we're going through and He went through so that one day we will be completely restored and by His side for eternity.
"You're a good good father
It's who you are, it's who you are, it's who you are
And I'm loved by you
It's who I am, it's who I am, it's who I am." -Christ Tomlin "Good Good Father"
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