I Have A Job To Do...
Good morning! I woke up this morning at 5:15am to spend some time with God before the kids woke up. That was a complete fail. Tyler immediately woke up followed by Ethan. I have been feeling so guilty about my lack of alone time with God. I think this has been the source of my anxiety. I've been beating myself up about it. Everybody knows your day goes better when you spend it with God first.
So as I was throwing a tantrum inside about it, I decided to take a shower to cool down. Of course the boys sit in the bathroom the entire time. I don't know what they'd do without me lol. Anyway I was telling God, "ok, I know you want to spend time with me and I want it more than anything with You. Tell me why you won't make the boys sleep longer or something!" I was not expecting a response because it seemed lately that I was just not hearing anything. I heard Him say, "I don't make them sleep longer because I don't want alone time with you. I want time with all of you."
It finally clicked! Isn't our job as parents to share God with them? Didn't God command us to raise our children to know their Father and His ways? Yes He did. How selfish have I been to want to keep God to myself. These past few weeks I have been miserable because of my selfishness. I also heard God tell me that we will have plenty of alone time when the boys are older, but right now they need to know Him like I do.
My eyes are filling with tears as I write this. I have been reminded of my purpose in this season of my life. I want my boys more than anything to know this everlasting love, this amazing joy, this incredible almighty God that calms the storms in me! I want them to know the peace I have from praying and talking with my Father. When they're in trouble, I want them to turn to God and give their problems to Him. When they are with friends and have to make difficult decisions, I want them to be able to hear God's voice telling them what the right thing to do is. When they get their hearts broken, I want them to know that God can mend it. Everything I've learned about God, I want them to know too.
I sat the boys on our bed and started reading my devotion for March 6. It was about those who don't have God walk in the dark and are hopeless. I told Tyler, you know on days that Mommy isn't very happy and she's sad or crabby? Those are days that Mommy isn't right with God. You see how unhappy Mommy is without God? I hate those days. Tyler asked me why me and Daddy yell at him sometimes. I told him that God commands us to discipline our children when they do something wrong, but me and Daddy are human and yelling isn't ok, but sometimes we do it. Only God is perfect, although we should try to be more like Jesus. He said ok Mommy, I will listen to you and Daddy from now on.
I loved spending time with my boys and God, it was honestly better than spending it alone with God. So today, I thank you Lord for opening my eyes. Thank you for giving me these two wonderful and amazing boys to care for. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share you with them and teach them all about You. There is nothing more exciting to me than sharing You with others. You truly opened my eyes today, and You filled me with the peace I've been longing for. Thank you...
So as I was throwing a tantrum inside about it, I decided to take a shower to cool down. Of course the boys sit in the bathroom the entire time. I don't know what they'd do without me lol. Anyway I was telling God, "ok, I know you want to spend time with me and I want it more than anything with You. Tell me why you won't make the boys sleep longer or something!" I was not expecting a response because it seemed lately that I was just not hearing anything. I heard Him say, "I don't make them sleep longer because I don't want alone time with you. I want time with all of you."
It finally clicked! Isn't our job as parents to share God with them? Didn't God command us to raise our children to know their Father and His ways? Yes He did. How selfish have I been to want to keep God to myself. These past few weeks I have been miserable because of my selfishness. I also heard God tell me that we will have plenty of alone time when the boys are older, but right now they need to know Him like I do.
My eyes are filling with tears as I write this. I have been reminded of my purpose in this season of my life. I want my boys more than anything to know this everlasting love, this amazing joy, this incredible almighty God that calms the storms in me! I want them to know the peace I have from praying and talking with my Father. When they're in trouble, I want them to turn to God and give their problems to Him. When they are with friends and have to make difficult decisions, I want them to be able to hear God's voice telling them what the right thing to do is. When they get their hearts broken, I want them to know that God can mend it. Everything I've learned about God, I want them to know too.
I sat the boys on our bed and started reading my devotion for March 6. It was about those who don't have God walk in the dark and are hopeless. I told Tyler, you know on days that Mommy isn't very happy and she's sad or crabby? Those are days that Mommy isn't right with God. You see how unhappy Mommy is without God? I hate those days. Tyler asked me why me and Daddy yell at him sometimes. I told him that God commands us to discipline our children when they do something wrong, but me and Daddy are human and yelling isn't ok, but sometimes we do it. Only God is perfect, although we should try to be more like Jesus. He said ok Mommy, I will listen to you and Daddy from now on.
I loved spending time with my boys and God, it was honestly better than spending it alone with God. So today, I thank you Lord for opening my eyes. Thank you for giving me these two wonderful and amazing boys to care for. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share you with them and teach them all about You. There is nothing more exciting to me than sharing You with others. You truly opened my eyes today, and You filled me with the peace I've been longing for. Thank you...
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