Be Honest With Yourself
As my title states, it's good to be honest with yourself. Last night I was honest with myself. All of you know by now, that follow my blog, that I don't have a problem with being open and honest. I've stated before my struggles with gaming (pc/xbox). Well this is what's been plaguing me again. So many times God has given me a way out and I got out but then I would come back. I'd tell myself that I could play in moderation and I'm strong enough now. Every single time, I start playing too much. It's my coping mechanism for life which is fine but then it becomes my world and I don't want to get out of it. I like it there because I can control everything in it. So it's back to control and having it or not.
Last night I was laying in bed and wrote this poem (some have already read it on fb):
New Beginning
There's a feeling I cannot shake
Is this all just a big mistake?
I try to keep my eyes on You
Keep praying that You'll pull me through.
My guard was down and he snuck right in
The spiral down began again.
The things I do, I don't want to do
Break these chains I'm begging You.
I'm on my knees sitting at Your feet
Guilt and shame, just feeling beat.
Please take my heart and make it new
My entire life I give to You.
It's time to lay these games aside
No longer will I run and hide.
You touched my heart, now it's my turn
Your will for me is what I yearn.
The spark ignited in my heart
Guide my steps as I do my part.
Please use me to spread Your love
As You smile down from up above.
Everybody has something they struggle with, whether it's games, drugs, alcohol, tv/movies, honestly anything that you put before God becomes a god to you. This time around since I got back into playing again, I have felt so unsettled. I haven't slept well, my anxiety has been up, haven't been feeling well at all. God had given me a way out and I walked right back in it like a defiant child. Life was too much and I needed an out. Except that's like taking your recovering alcoholic friend to a bar. I knew that. I knew that I'd get sucked in again and struggle to get out. I knew better. After I wrote that poem, God and I had a long discussion. He showed me ways I could cope with life without being addicted to something. Games have become a hindrance in my life, especially my spiritual life.
You see, even though I rebelled against God after He helped me so many times, He still helped me again but this time was a little different. I made up my mind about what I needed to do and I'm serious about it. I want to study God more and I want to become the woman He created me to be. He has plans for me that are beyond my dreams and I want them to happen. It's time to grow up. If I'm living in my fantasy world, how can that happen? This isn't something that I'll get stronger at and I'll be able to moderate my time better later on, no, this needs to be cut off and I realize that now.
People don't understand why God does some things. God has protected me so many times from this and I always went back. Addiction of any kind always has withdrawals, I know that and God knows that. That's why He tries to protect us. He knows the impact it will have on us and He wants to save us the grief.
So, today is a new day! I'm happy about that. Today I start my journey over again and I'm going back to what I should've been doing. My 12 weeks of Power Thoughts. I'm excited about this because I'm so ready for a complete spiritual transformation. I'm ready to get back to my life with God. I want nothing more that that. I'm ready to let Him guide my steps through life and show me things I've never dreamed of! I'm excited to take my readers with me. I document this stuff because I know that I'm not alone in this. When you hear about somebody going through the same thing as you, doesn't it just uplift and encourage you? That's why I do this. I love you all so much! I'll be praying for you guys and if there's something specific you need just let me know. Have a blessed day!
Last night I was laying in bed and wrote this poem (some have already read it on fb):
New Beginning
There's a feeling I cannot shake
Is this all just a big mistake?
I try to keep my eyes on You
Keep praying that You'll pull me through.
My guard was down and he snuck right in
The spiral down began again.
The things I do, I don't want to do
Break these chains I'm begging You.
I'm on my knees sitting at Your feet
Guilt and shame, just feeling beat.
Please take my heart and make it new
My entire life I give to You.
It's time to lay these games aside
No longer will I run and hide.
You touched my heart, now it's my turn
Your will for me is what I yearn.
The spark ignited in my heart
Guide my steps as I do my part.
Please use me to spread Your love
As You smile down from up above.
Everybody has something they struggle with, whether it's games, drugs, alcohol, tv/movies, honestly anything that you put before God becomes a god to you. This time around since I got back into playing again, I have felt so unsettled. I haven't slept well, my anxiety has been up, haven't been feeling well at all. God had given me a way out and I walked right back in it like a defiant child. Life was too much and I needed an out. Except that's like taking your recovering alcoholic friend to a bar. I knew that. I knew that I'd get sucked in again and struggle to get out. I knew better. After I wrote that poem, God and I had a long discussion. He showed me ways I could cope with life without being addicted to something. Games have become a hindrance in my life, especially my spiritual life.
You see, even though I rebelled against God after He helped me so many times, He still helped me again but this time was a little different. I made up my mind about what I needed to do and I'm serious about it. I want to study God more and I want to become the woman He created me to be. He has plans for me that are beyond my dreams and I want them to happen. It's time to grow up. If I'm living in my fantasy world, how can that happen? This isn't something that I'll get stronger at and I'll be able to moderate my time better later on, no, this needs to be cut off and I realize that now.
People don't understand why God does some things. God has protected me so many times from this and I always went back. Addiction of any kind always has withdrawals, I know that and God knows that. That's why He tries to protect us. He knows the impact it will have on us and He wants to save us the grief.
So, today is a new day! I'm happy about that. Today I start my journey over again and I'm going back to what I should've been doing. My 12 weeks of Power Thoughts. I'm excited about this because I'm so ready for a complete spiritual transformation. I'm ready to get back to my life with God. I want nothing more that that. I'm ready to let Him guide my steps through life and show me things I've never dreamed of! I'm excited to take my readers with me. I document this stuff because I know that I'm not alone in this. When you hear about somebody going through the same thing as you, doesn't it just uplift and encourage you? That's why I do this. I love you all so much! I'll be praying for you guys and if there's something specific you need just let me know. Have a blessed day!
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