Keep Your Eyes On Me...
Today I saw The Shack with some of my church family and my best friend, which is a plus. I have owned the book since Christmas, thanks to my Grandma. God has spoken to me through the book and the movie. I cried like a baby throughout the movie just like the book. It's funny how God can use those outlets to remind us of His love.
We got to the theater and I had been fighting anxiety all morning. I've actually been fighting it awhile again. For the first 20 minutes into the movie I was just inside my head trying to fight the anxiety and negative thoughts. I won't spoil the movie too much for those of you who haven't seen it yet lol. Anyway it gets to the part where Mack was sitting in the boat in the middle of the lake. He starts seeing black tar surrounding the boat and something hitting the boat really hard. The bottom starts breaking and water starts flooding in. He was freaking out. Through this happening he heard God saying, "keep your eyes on me, Mack, look at me, this is what's happening inside of you." At that moment I was crying because this is what was happening inside of me. Hearing God call out to you in the storm "keep your eyes on me, look at me," it's hope.
I have always tried doing things myself because that's how things have always been for me. I had to take care of myself as best I could. So giving God control of my life and situations is very very hard for me. I cling to it until I have self-destructed, then I give it to God because I'm incapable at that point. I should be giving him everything all the time no matter what. It comes down to trust, it comes down to knowing your worth in God. Seeing yourself as He does. "I see you dressed in white, everything wrong made right, I see a rose in bloom at the sight of you..." lyrics from the song Priceless. We don't see ourselves as God does. He sees beauty in us. If we weren't worth it to Him, He would've never sent His son to the cross. Not that He had to send Him, Jesus went willingly.
A lot of people don't like the book or movie, and that's fine. I won't deny what God has shown me through it, fiction or not. God can speak to you through so many outlets if you just listen for Him. When I first read the book, I felt like God was so real on a personal level. I understood Him better and His love for me. It's easy for me to forget just how much I am loved by Him. This is the reminder I needed today. As I was rolling those words through my mind, "keep your eyes on me," whatever I've been holding onto, I released it. I haven't had so much joy in awhile.
People think that God is so mean and He does bad things to us. That's completely opposite of what He really is and does. There will always be consequences for our sins and actions, but that doesn't mean God doesn't work it out for good. Here's a great example: back in 2007 I rolled a four wheeler and snapped my femur in half and broke my wrist. I almost stopped breathing in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. Later down the road, God showed me where in my life He protected me and this is one of those moments. Had that four wheeler landed even an inch differently, it would've crushed my skull and I would've died. I made a stupid choice on that four wheeler, but God intervened and saved me. Had I been smart about it, I wouldn't have to deal with the consequences for the rest of my life. I'm thankful He stepped in for me.
God works when we don't even see or realize it. This is why He always says "TRUST ME!" I'll be working on that more. I hate when I get to this point of anxiety and it's completely unnecessary but I think that I can do God's job. So so so wrong. Nobody can or should want to do God's job. I have a hard time doing my job lol. Anyway, I hope this encourages someone out there. Love you all!
We got to the theater and I had been fighting anxiety all morning. I've actually been fighting it awhile again. For the first 20 minutes into the movie I was just inside my head trying to fight the anxiety and negative thoughts. I won't spoil the movie too much for those of you who haven't seen it yet lol. Anyway it gets to the part where Mack was sitting in the boat in the middle of the lake. He starts seeing black tar surrounding the boat and something hitting the boat really hard. The bottom starts breaking and water starts flooding in. He was freaking out. Through this happening he heard God saying, "keep your eyes on me, Mack, look at me, this is what's happening inside of you." At that moment I was crying because this is what was happening inside of me. Hearing God call out to you in the storm "keep your eyes on me, look at me," it's hope.
I have always tried doing things myself because that's how things have always been for me. I had to take care of myself as best I could. So giving God control of my life and situations is very very hard for me. I cling to it until I have self-destructed, then I give it to God because I'm incapable at that point. I should be giving him everything all the time no matter what. It comes down to trust, it comes down to knowing your worth in God. Seeing yourself as He does. "I see you dressed in white, everything wrong made right, I see a rose in bloom at the sight of you..." lyrics from the song Priceless. We don't see ourselves as God does. He sees beauty in us. If we weren't worth it to Him, He would've never sent His son to the cross. Not that He had to send Him, Jesus went willingly.
A lot of people don't like the book or movie, and that's fine. I won't deny what God has shown me through it, fiction or not. God can speak to you through so many outlets if you just listen for Him. When I first read the book, I felt like God was so real on a personal level. I understood Him better and His love for me. It's easy for me to forget just how much I am loved by Him. This is the reminder I needed today. As I was rolling those words through my mind, "keep your eyes on me," whatever I've been holding onto, I released it. I haven't had so much joy in awhile.
People think that God is so mean and He does bad things to us. That's completely opposite of what He really is and does. There will always be consequences for our sins and actions, but that doesn't mean God doesn't work it out for good. Here's a great example: back in 2007 I rolled a four wheeler and snapped my femur in half and broke my wrist. I almost stopped breathing in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. Later down the road, God showed me where in my life He protected me and this is one of those moments. Had that four wheeler landed even an inch differently, it would've crushed my skull and I would've died. I made a stupid choice on that four wheeler, but God intervened and saved me. Had I been smart about it, I wouldn't have to deal with the consequences for the rest of my life. I'm thankful He stepped in for me.
God works when we don't even see or realize it. This is why He always says "TRUST ME!" I'll be working on that more. I hate when I get to this point of anxiety and it's completely unnecessary but I think that I can do God's job. So so so wrong. Nobody can or should want to do God's job. I have a hard time doing my job lol. Anyway, I hope this encourages someone out there. Love you all!
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